Everything I Like Causes Cancer

A month or more ago a bunch of us gals tricked our friend The Plant into hosting her own birthday party. (Yeah, we're pretty awesome. Wanna be friends?)

Many years ago my cousin and I got so excited about the Olympics that at the start of the Opening Ceremonies we were jumping around in her living room and singing stupid made-up songs at the top of our lungs. Before long a tune had come together and we had written ourselves an official 'Lympics Ditty. As with much of what we do, we beat that song into the ground. We sang it so many times that we eventually realized you could insert ANY WORDS AT ALL and it was still a great song.

Some of you were lucky enough to have been born on days where many years in the future I would feel like writing a berfday blog post for you. Most of those have included the words to this uplifting tune. Many others of you have included me in your Facebook Family and on your berfday I have worked the words into my greeting. All the while, I've been promising to record it because it's better in person. (Oooh! Foreshadowing!)

So yeah, yesterday was ttmac's berfday! berfday! and we spent the afternoon touring and tasting at a local brewery. No, not THAT ONE; THIS ONE. It was delicious educational. Our second stop was Citygarden where we entertained ourselves mightily (I'll post pictures later) and recorded this masterpiece:


So, if you've had a birthday this year, or if you plan to, this Special Presentation Sunday Matinee is for YOU.Because you're special and it's yer fuckin' berfday.

Last night's dinner club host approached me almost as soon as I arrived, leaned in conspiratorially, and said, "You know how sometimes you see or hear a phrase and after that you can't get it out of your head?"

A friend recently gave me one of those "free song" iTunes cards that Starbucks gives out with coffee on Tuesdays. The cards are programmed with one particular song, as opposed to getting a choice, but I love trying new things. Heck, 95% of the time I like their Free Single of the Week and not just because it's free.

Two things about this wonderfully cheesy and well-worn old song:
1. Today it's for all the Dads out there, doing their dad thing and being responsible and taking care of their families the best way they know how. You're very important dudes and we all appreciate you.
2. Every time my college BFF and I would go to our favorite dive bar we'd play this on the jukebox and sing along, loud and off-key. Drove everyone around us crazy. And everytine it would get to the part where he sings about the car keys one of us would hand our car keys to the other. Every time. We still do it when we see each other and laugh like madmen.

This one's for Beckeye, whose Forgotten Classic Video of the Week series regularly sparks memories of my younger days, proving that we did, in fact, live the same childhood.  She recently commented on the new tagline in my header and said, "I am dying laughing at your Spiders and Snakes tagline. JIM STAFFORD! I remember having that 45 when I was little and I loved that stupid song."

When I did the last Pen Pal Project I posted a picture of the stamp I used on all that NC-17 goodness, the Legends of Hollywood Bette Davis stamp, and promised a prize to the first person to identify what had been photochopped out of the picture.  Chemgeek was the first to accurately describe what was missing, in his words "not just a cigarette, but the long black thing that one can use to smoke a cigarette", but the first person to accurately identify the item, by name, was Soda and Candy.  In my mind, they're both winners and deserve a wicked awesome Gwenprize.

It is my sincere hope that Chemgeek and Soda and Candy crank this one up, strip to their unders and do a victory dance today.

I heard this for the first time the other day and wondered why Kelis didn't call to tell me she'd finally written my theme song.

If you haven't seen Comedians of Comedy, you need to sign up for Netflix, put it at the top of your queue, wait 2-3 days for it to arrive, and then watch it immediately.  I'm just sayin'.

Before we get to today's video I am pleased to announce that yesterday was fun.  We didn't talk anything through, we pretended nothing ever happened and moved on like we always do, but we had a nice day and really, that's all I can ask.  I didn't even have to resort to a movie.  Thanks for the good vibes.  You guys rawk.

I found out Friday that it will take $1,000 worth of repairs to get my car to pass its State inspections.  This song has been running on a loop in my head ever since.

Last week Beyoncé sang Etta James' At Last for the Obama's First Dance. She has a beautiful voice and it's a classic song but the thing that pushed me over the edge and made the tears that had been welling in my eyes all day come streaming down my face was the interview abcNEWS did backstage after she sang.  She didn't say anything groundbreaking and she wasn't masterfully eloquent, but she said exactly what has been in my heart since he was elected and it sent me over the edge.

(For some reason I can't get youtube videos to show up here anymore. I think it may have something to do with downloading new computer protection yesterday. Click HERE to see the interview.)

Secondarily, why hasn't Maya Rudolph done a spoof of Robin Roberts?  Roberts' manner of speaking can be so over-the-top and affected at times - it would make a great skit.  I'm just sayin'.

My friends and I do this thing we call Curtain Skirt Club.  We get together several times at least once a year for brunch or happy hour and each meeting has a theme and a charity.  The only rules are that your outfit has to be made from a curtain (or similar materials) and you need to bring items for the charity chosen for the event.

Back in the day Mystery Science Theater 3000 was some of the best late-night television, especially if you'd been out drinking and stuff. Now it's what I imagine watching a movie with my pal Dr. Zibbs would be like, although of late he'd probably be telling you about how you should click on his new blog ads instead of making witty comments.

I want this one to play on a loop so I can swoon, sip hot toddies, and stare at the tree for hours.

A couple years ago my cousin and I were out running Christmas errands together and this song come on the radio. She pointed out that it sounds like Brenda Lee sings "Later we'll have some fuckin' pie." (right around :29 in the video)

Now I know she doesn't say that filthy, terrible word - the lyrics are "Later we'll have some pumpkin pie" and that's what she says. But once you know about it you will never hear the clean version again.


You're welcome! Merry Christmas!