Everything I Like Causes Cancer

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Dear Lady Who Rode Next To Me In Spin Class Tonight:


You smell like clams that were left in the sun for a week in July. I almost puked three times. Spinning is hard enough without having to hold your breath. I've been home for an hour and I can still smell you because your funk is clinging to the cilia in my nose. Please try applying soap to your twat. That is all.

Yours in Christ,
Gwen

21 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

That is gross but thank you for using the word cilia. I haven't seen it in print in years.

(And do you really think that was what the smell was? Gross)

Dr Zibbs said...

...and I thought that area was supposed to be "self cleaning"?

Mr. Condescending said...

God you make me laugh so hard Gwen!

Melissa said...

Sometimes those things just need to be said whether we like it or not. If it will make one less stink to deal with, go for it.

Whiskeymarie said...

We have a swarthy dishwasher at work (Tony) wo usually smells like a combination of really oily, garlicky falafel and two week-old ball sweat.

C'mon! It's the aught-tens, people! Soap! Use it!!

OG said...

There should be a gym rule that you can't workout if you can't display proper personal hygiene.

BeckEye said...

I love when you just pop in to bust out a "twat."

Wait. That sounded wrong.

Ian Shane said...

I just stumbled onto your blog. I LOVE it. Thanks for making me laugh.

Cora said...

Oh. Dear. God.

SkylersDad said...

Hi there, I just reached you blog by searching for spinning classes in my area. But now I have you bookmarked under both twats and cilia.

Thank you.

Renaissance Woman said...

OMG...this post made me laugh so hard. Wouldn't it be nice if you could actually tell her for both of your sakes.

Scope said...

Imagine what the bike seat thought!

Harna said...

AAAHAHA! That shit is horrendous, but sadly I've been in your shoes before. The secret is to get a good look at her face, so you know not to ride next to her EVER again.

Eva Gallant said...

OMG! That was hilarious!

Hunter said...

In such situations, pinching your nose and pointing at the stinker serves two purposes. One is to temporarily block out the stank. The other is to relay your displeasure with their odor.

MJenks said...

Fuck the soap to twat thing. If your bidness smells like clams in the sun, you need to soak in a bathtub filled with luke-warm vinegar.

Linka72 said...

*raising the "jesus hands"*
YES GWEN!! I agree with you COMPLETELY..(and typing in caps makes me happy) I would have just moved to a different bike..I do that all the time on the treadmills..it's hard enough to get my fat ass in the gym but then people just INSIST on stinking like burnt ass??? This is why we need a "home" gym.

otherworldlyone said...

Found you via Mr. London Street and am enjoying your blog.

Just reading this one made me gag. You poor thing.

LegalMist said...

Just one more reason why I let that gym membership last.

That and the fact that I'm apparently lazy as sin.

words...words...words... said...

Doesn't everyone stink at the gym? Or maybe I'm underestimating the amount of stank on this woman.

florida mango said...

BAH HAHAHAHAHA!

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