Everything I Like Causes Cancer: bodily fluids

10/19/2010

Color me confounded

Posted by Gwen | Labels: bodily fluids, Exhibit A proving that my mother dropped me on my head as a baby, Superpoop

During a smoking lounge discussion yesterday someone used the phrase "shit eating grin" and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I mean, why would someone be happy about eating shit?

Happy Tuesday, shit eaters. Keep smilin'!

comments (56)

2/24/2010

For The Love of All That Is Holy

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Apparently I gotta be the asshole, bodily fluids

Dear Lady Who Rode Next To Me In Spin Class Tonight:

You smell like clams that were left in the sun for a week in July. I almost puked three times. Spinning is hard enough without having to hold your breath. I've been home for an hour and I can still smell you because your funk is clinging to the cilia in my nose. Please try applying soap to your twat. That is all.

Yours in Christ,

Gwen

comments (21)

11/13/2009

Continuity be damned

Posted by Gwen | Labels: bodily fluids, old things are less expensive, vengeance

The 2,000 mg of antibiotics I am taking per day make my pee the color of marigolds.
I suspect that I was thrown under the bus at work but I don't yet know who did it. Operation Ferret Out The Weasel commences today.
In Missouri you have to pay personal property tax on your vehicles yearly. The amount you owe is calculated using the value of the vehicle and the tax rate where you live. My bill this year? $15.30.
I hope I didn't just jinx my 10 year-old car by bragging about it's lack of value.
Bring on the weekend.