Everything I Like Causes Cancer: January 2010

1/17/2010

Sunday Matinee: An EILCC Special Video Presentation

Posted by Gwen | Labels: My Funny Friends, St. Louis, Sunday Matinee

Many years ago my cousin and I got so excited about the Olympics that at the start of the Opening Ceremonies we were jumping around in her living room and singing stupid made-up songs at the top of our lungs. Before long a tune had come together and we had written ourselves an official 'Lympics Ditty. As with much of what we do, we beat that song into the ground. We sang it so many times that we eventually realized you could insert ANY WORDS AT ALL and it was still a great song.

And there you have it: the genesis of our famous (in my mind - and that's the only place that matters) BERFDAY SONG.

Some of you were lucky enough to have been born on days where many years in the future I would feel like writing a berfday blog post for you. Most of those have included the words to this uplifting tune. Many others of you have included me in your Facebook Family and on your berfday I have worked the words into my greeting. All the while, I've been promising to record it because it's better in person. (Oooh! Foreshadowing!)

So yeah, yesterday was ttmac's berfday! berfday! and we spent the afternoon touring and tasting at a local brewery. No, not THAT ONE; THIS ONE. It was ~~delicious~~ educational. Our second stop was Citygarden where we entertained ourselves mightily (I'll post pictures later) and recorded this masterpiece:

So, if you've had a birthday this year, or if you plan to, this Special Presentation Sunday Matinee is for YOU.Because you're special and it's yer fuckin' berfday.

comments (18)

1/14/2010

What the French, toast?

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Sacrificing next year's Drysdale for your amusement, Viral marketing works

Sitting at my desk today I overheard one of my favorite coworkers calling another favored coworker a "lint licker." I immediately stopped typing and turned down my music to eavesdrop.

"Stinky McStinkface!"

Now these two are office BFFs so I was bamboozled by their passionate PG-13 name-calling and had to check it out. After recovering from paroxysms of giggling they explained that there's an Orbit "dirty mouth" commercial airing and the two of them were reenacting its hilarity.

I challenge you to watch this and NOT end up calling me a hoboken:

In case you couldn't catch it all:

Lint Licker: You son of a biscuit-eating bulldog!

Stinky McStinkface: What the French, Toast?

Lint Licker: Did you think I wouldn’t find out about your little doo-doo head cootie queen?

Cootie Queen: Who are you calling a Cootie Queen, you lint licker?

Lint Licker: Pickle you, cumquat!

Stinky McStinkface: You’re overreacting.

Lint Licker: No Bill, overreacting was when I put your convertible into a wood chipper. Stinky McStinkface!

Cootie Queen: You hoboken.

I called everyone else a "cumquat" under my breath all day.

comments (23)

1/12/2010

Yes, snippets of emails are the best I have to offer.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Lazy is as lazy does, There is still a ho in ho-hum

I received an email today from a very dear friend who was sending me her homemade hummus recipe. She opened with this:

Hi Stinky!

Long time no blog. I've missed reading your whacky spin on life and I would worry, but you've been leaving comments and Face-booking so I figured you're not kidnapped. If you are kidnapped, it must not be so bad since you've got internet access and all.

So I replied:

Hey, nerd!

You crack me up! I haven't been kidnapped but if I had I would INSIST on wifi. And I can be a real pill when I want to be so I'm sure my kidnappers would comply (or just take me RIGHT BACK HOME to get me to shut the hell up.)

Yeah, for some reason I'm just not feeling Blogaritaville. My life has been kinda poopy which has made me melancholy. I've had car troubles since mid-December. First it was the transmission and then it was terrible metallic squealy noises (which turned out to be an axle seal) and then it shook like your moneymaker at speeds over 45 mph (which turned out to be tires). It has been in the shop three times in as many weeks. I've spent about $3k and now I am BROKE. Like well and truly broke. Like ramen noodles broke. If something else happens I'm putting a "hit" out on it - you can pay the mob to "steal" your car, right? And you can pay them in sexual favors, right?

Pair all that with this craptastic sub-zero weather and you get a surly, hermity Gwennie. I only have about 140 characters worth of pleasant thoughts at a time right now. (Maybe I should just cut and paste the past three paragraphs into a blog post.)

Homemade hummus will make me happier. Garlic and chickpeas are cheap and the making of it will make me feel creative again. You rule, my dear friend.

Yours until the mob breaks my knees,
Gwen