Everything I Like Causes Cancer: April 2010

4/19/2010

Nice ash.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: From the headlines

Photograph of the crate at the summit of the volcano in southern Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull glacier by Jon Gustafson/AP

I bet Google is all kinds of disappointed that it didn't think of "Eyjafjallajokull" as a word verification. Go HERE for more amazing photos. Lava and lightning, monkeys. Lava and lightning.

comments (13)

4/16/2010

Weiner! Weiner! Sausage dinner!

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Hillshire Farms, MEAT, Poop and Boogies, That's what she said

You may think that the one thing a single gal needs most is a gay bestie with brawny arms who loves to help with house chores (especially the heavy ones), enjoys ~~critiquing~~ improving her style and will hold her hand during movies but you'd be wrong. I've come here today to assert that the one thing a single gal needs most is a year's worth of free sausage. You heard me. A YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE!

And who's the lucky gal who has two thumbs and recently won a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE HILLSHIRE FARMS SAUSAGE? (You can't see me but I've got my two thumbs raised and proudly pointed at myself.) ME! I DID!

(The actual coupons I received do not say "DO NOT REPRODUCE" on them. I was just afraid some stinker would try to print a copy from here and effectively ruin it for everyone. To anyone who considered this I say, "You should also not reproduce.")

(Dear FCC:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle this. I know that I'm supposed to disclose when a company pays me to endorse their product but do you consider a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE! to be payment? I don't know. Anyway, the lovely people at Hillshire Farms have not paid me in cash monies to say they are awesome but I am going to say they are awesome anyway. You've been warned.

Yours until I run out of sausages,

Gwen)

The lovely people at Hillshire Farms are awesome! They're as awesome as Bill over at Poop and Boogies who ran the blog contest with prizes made of meat. I've linked to Bill before when one or another of his three boys has been a door bell (aka "adorable" for those of you who don't speak Gwen). One of them (the middle one?) even made me care about baseball once. Bill, anyone who offers meat as a blog contest prize CANNOT be evil. I'm just sayin'. Baby, you're the best.

Big hugs and tiny kisses to everyone responsible for supplying this single gal with a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGES! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some meat to consume. Go meat!

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4/14/2010

I do my own stunts.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Marlys and Me

I just took my bike out for the first ride of the year. Wow. A real bike is much different than a spin bike. I mean, there are curbs and intersections and car accidents and dogs who want to eat your face and stupid people who act like they own the trail.

Hey lady, you're walking and I'm on a bike. I WILL run you over if you look me in the eye and refuse to move from the middle of the path. I don't like wiping out in rocks, I'm not as nice as my smile would lead you to believe, and it wouldn't hurt you to pick up the pace.

I still rocked it, though. And I kicked the ass of that hill that gave me so much trouble last year. I even stopped at the top, pumped my fists in the air Rocky-style and ~~yelled~~ panted, "I DID IT!" to the amusement of another lady who was NOT hogging the path. She seemed as proud of me as I was. She was cool.

When I got home I tried using a map to figure out how far I went but it was too hard. Let's call it 8 miles, at least until I get an odometer. Also, if anyone cares, I want a bike odometer for my birthday. And a basket so I can take the cats for a ride and carry books home from the library.

comments (15)

4/09/2010

Tell me I'm not the only one who noticed this.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Edna Mode, Mila, Project Runway, The Incredibles

Also? Both are clothing designers.

UPDATE TO ADD:

Apparently I needed to explain this better. I apologize for assuming you watch the same movies and TV shows as me. Anyway, on the left is Edna Mode. She designed the superhero suits for the Incredible family in The Incredibles. She has a severe black bob (no judgment, I like it) and an attitude. On the right is Mila Hermanovski, a clothing designer who's currently in the final four of Project Runway. She has a severe black bob (again, I like it) and an attitude.

I was watching Project Runway this week with my girlfriends (there MAY have been some wine) and I finally realized who Mila looked like: Edna Mode. So there, that's it. It just cracked me up and I figured SOMEONE else out there in the blogosphere had to have made the same connection. My bad. Carry on.

comments (19)

4/06/2010

Did I hear you ask for another gardening post?

Posted by Gwen | Labels: making Karma my bitch, The Garden 2010

I'm pretty sure I did, and I know I heard my Dad ask for one, so here ya go . . .

On Sunday I did something I've been threatening to do for years. I was all set to do it last year until I threw out my back cleaning leaves and rediscovered fear.

So, you see that darker patch to the left of the green tub? That's where I started stripping off zoysia sod. By hand. I used a shovel to cut both sides of a foot-wide swath and then pulled it off in strips. By hand. Did I mention I did this BY HAND?

Now I know I could have rented a tiller and possibly more easily turned this patch over, but zoysia is a lawn commodity around here and it would have killed me to just grind it up. (I put it on freecycle. Paying it forward, baby.)

Anyway, 3,765 trips to the alley (where I left the corpse-heavy strips for pick-up) and four hours later, it looked like this:

To say there was dirt in all the creases when I finished is to seriously understate things. I was a sweaty, filthy mess.

I even had to use a mushroom brush to get my arms clean.

Sexy!

For some time I've mulled the idea of posting a semi-regular picture of the back yard to show how it progresses through the seasons and this seemed like an appropriate place to start:

Spring: An Overview

And after that I made a delicious Easter dinner for friends. I'm beginning to question my own sanity. Keep an eye on me for erratic behavior, like blogging and lounging.

comments (14)

4/03/2010

Cowguy isn't the only one who can make sawdust.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: He can keep the cowpies, That's what she said, The Garden 2010

A couple Saturdays ago I left the house after lunch, headed for Lowe's with little more than a vague notion of how to build an indoor greenhouse. All I knew was that I was going to use the old dining room table, that I wanted to hang lights from the cross beams in the basement and that I wanted the lights to hang on chains so I could raise them as the plants grew. Being acutely aware of my (lack of) construction experience, I made sure to dress cute and fix my hair and makeup in case I had to ask for help. I really shouldn't have bothered; it would seem I'm as smart as I am cute. See for yourselves.

I took these items (discovered while shopping) and a handful of power tools . . .

. . . and made these:

I had to measure things . . .

I had to drill things . . .

I screwed things . . .

I mounted things . . .

And then I screwed things on the ceiling . . .

And then it was time to lay down some serious seed:

In all I planted about 800 seeds in over 200 peat pots that had to be rehydrated, opened, aerated and planted by hand - by tiny, tiny hand . . .

Let me tell ya, monkeys, this was TEDIOUS work and took hours (the construction part was much more fun). I spent so much time in the basement that day, I felt like a C.H.U.D. when I finally emerged (after dark). In the end, I'm glad I spent the time to plant in these pots because the seedlings can go straight into the ground without having to be repotted. Besides, the backache was forgotten when I woke up the other day to this: