Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've just about had it with this week.

2/25/2010

What the what?!

Posted by Gwen | Labels:

I just read that GM is no longer going to make the Hummer. Well, frig. What the hell am I going to make fun of now? Who the hell am I going to call out as supreme douchebags? Who will replace Hummer drivers as the recipients of my most consistent ire and disgust? Who, I ask you? WHO?

I feel so lost. Hold me.

(EILCC newbies can read about how much I hate Hummers here and here. I'm certain there are more posts of this ilk but I don't have the patience to find them. And really, you get the idea from those two.)

comments (19)

2/24/2010

For The Love of All That Is Holy

Posted by Gwen | Labels: ,

Dear Lady Who Rode Next To Me In Spin Class Tonight:


You smell like clams that were left in the sun for a week in July. I almost puked three times. Spinning is hard enough without having to hold your breath. I've been home for an hour and I can still smell you because your funk is clinging to the cilia in my nose. Please try applying soap to your twat. That is all.

Yours in Christ,
Gwen

comments (21)

2/10/2010

No one wishes I had a more exciting report than me.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: ,

You know that feeling you get after a major exam like the GRE or the MCAT or a pap smear? The one where you feel like you performed terribly but when you review it in your mind it's only logical that you did well? That's how I feel about last night's big date. There weren't any awkward silences, there was a lot of laughing, I was my charming self without exceeding my baseline level of spazz, it appeared he was having a good time, and yet . . . no moves were made. None. I even kept my hand available for holding during the movie and took a mint when we left the theater!

I suppose now we just wait to see what happens. In the meantime, let's focus on the douchebag who has handicapped plates AND a lift kit:

comments (15)

2/10/2010

*creeeeeeeeaaak!*

Posted by Gwen | Labels: , ,

Hey-hey, party people! It's been a while, hasn't it? It might have been too long this time because being here feels a little awkward and scary, like walking into an abandoned building. There's even a dank, musty smell in here but that might be my feet.

Anyway, it's good to be back and I hope there are still more than three of you around because I feel like I might be back for good. That and today Whiskeymarie pledged to post every day for a week and I can't have that bitch showing me up and winning your affection.





Speaking of dank, musty smells in abandoned places (that's a joke about the sad state of my love life - before this week), I have a date tomorrow night! Very exciting stuff. I'm trying to stay cool about it, though, because I like this guy and I don't want to be a total spazz. I have very little dating experience: I had one boyfriend during the first three years of high school, I married my college sweetheart, and I dated/lived with my last boyfriend for almost five years. What can I say? I'm a serial monogamist. I don't consider that a bad thing, but being one has left me ill-prepared for dating at 40, which is exponentially harder than dating at 20. Or 30.

I understand that dates are just opportunities for people to spend time together in order to determine if they want to spend more time together and that it's okay to NOT want to spend more time together, but I get so worked up about the whole business that my heart races and I can't concentrate which leads to inappropriate giggling and talking too loud. I think dating should start with laying around in pajamas, reading newspapers and watching movies together, and progress over time into dinners and movies. I mean, wouldn't it be easier to start out in your most comfortable zone and more logical to eat in public and see a movie AFTER you've grown bored with one another? I don't know, but it makes sense to me.

So yeah, a date. Squee. And so far? No anxiety. Like I said, I like this guy: he's cute, we're in the same profession, we come from similar backgrounds, he's easy to talk to and he makes me laugh - hard. The only thing weighing on my mind now is that this morning I woke up from a dream in which I had a terrible, painful sore throat only to discover that I actually did have a sore throat. I spent time with my favorite kids on Sunday and I was lovin' on 'em all day so I'm 75% certain that I am coming down with something. There's an 85% chance of kissing tomorrow. I'm not telling him.

comments (15)

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Subscribe