Everything I Like Causes Cancer

I sat down last night to watch Survivor and realized that my Tivo was not capturing it. At 7:40. I missed 2/3 of it. Apparently last fall's settings weren't updated and it was too busy recording Ugly Betty and Earl.

• So, I missed the reward challenge. I tuned in just in time to see Fei Long win immunity. It seemed to me that Zhan Hu is still not working together.


• Can anyone tell me what the heck happened between Dave and Ashley? Huge tension.


• Ashley was voted out.

Here's a link back to the list. I'll be going back there each week to cross off the names of the eliminated.

I didn't blog after the premier because I'm lazy. But I find myself curious about how my impressions will change after the first episode so I'm going to jot down a few thoughts before I watch tonight and I'll be back after. Plus it's nice to have a list of the players around until you get to know them.

It's not obsession, people. It's science.

So the two teams are:

Fei Long
Amanda, former Miss Montana
Todd, flight attendant
Leslie, Christian talk radio host - 3
Jean-Robert, professional poker player
Denise, lunch lady
Courtney, NY waitress
Frosti, student/athlete
Sherea, 4th grade teacher

And

Zhan Hu
Chicken, chicken farmer - 1
Ashley, professional wrestler - 2
Peih-Gee, jewelry designer
Dave, former model - 4
Jaime, USC honor student
Erik, Nashville musician
James, gravedigger
Aaron, surfing instructor - 5

• I recall that the producers split them into teams by pre-assigning the buffs. Which seemed odd to me. Especially since the teams seem so out of balance - FL seems strong and mature (but really not OLD) while ZH is young and inexperienced.
• James is hot. James is hot. James is hot.
• I was shocked that they voted out Chicken. ZH is a young team; the loss of his expertise and stability could spell trouble for them.

I’ve got nothing to say today. Sorry. Early in the day I got tricked into thinking it was Thursday and I never recovered from the truth.

1. I've had cocktails with the Queen of a Gay Rodeo.


2. I've locked myself out of my house, my garage, AND my car a collective six times in 2007. Three of those were in one week's time.


3. I know someone who appeared on Martha Stewart's TV show as a guest.


4. My house is so freaking clean that cat-allergic people can stay overnight without incident. (This is a direct quote from a close friend.)


5. I have one brother, but we could not be more different and are not close.


6. I received my undergraduate degree from MacMurray Colllege in Journalism and English with an Art minor.


7. I've been to Ireland. I recommend it.


8. The country club where I held my wedding reception was spacious enough to host two simultaneous events. While attending my own (formal) reception, I crashed the other reception and got on her video.


9. I was born in Carbondale, IL.


10. I once dressed as a dominatrix for Halloween. I borrowed the outfit from a friend who worked as an "exotic dancer" and I still didn't win the Sexiest Costume prize.

This is another beautiful piece my mom made.

I'm keeping it next to the new chair I bought on Saturday when she and I went treasure hunting.

Seeing these pictures has convinced me I need to cover that table. It's just too much brown. And a rug; the foyer needs a rug. And an ottoman would be nice.

Damn bargain chairs never really are.

A few years back my mom was looking for a hobby so took a class on how to make stained glass. It was in this class that she discovered her creativity. This is a lamp she made for my step-sister:


This is an original piece (her own design) and is made with a slice of geode:



And these are a few more - the cat is called Cheeky Tom and was patterened after Skylar (look close at his right cheek and you'll see Sky's beauty mark) - and the dragon/bird piece is an original glass-on-glass mosaic design of the locally legendary Piasa Bird:

As you can see her talent is exceptional. So good, in fact, she was recently invited to the exclusive Autumn Market in Elsah, IL. This is from the flyer:

Know what day it is?
Friday.

Know what time it is?
6 pm

Know where I am?
Still at the office.

Know why?
Some asshat lied to my face 5 times today about the location of some very important documents that I need first thing Monday morning and now I am sitting here waiting for his superior to finish reaming his ass, find them, and fax them.

Don't be jealous.

I've been trying to do one of those "100 Things About Me" lists. I see The List on almost every other blog I read and I like to be introspective, so why not?

Because it's hard, that's why. I currently have about 35. A hundred is a lot. I wasn't going to publish until I had it done, but I'm afraid that if I don't publish what I have and get the ball rolling, I won't finish.

So here's the first ten:

1. I'm a procrastinator and come up with creative ways to make myself get things done.
2. I live in St. Louis, Missouri.
3. I don’t choose political sides, but my positions on particular issues are predominantly liberal.
4. I don’t have any children.
5. I am a voracious reader.
6. I’ve been married.
7. My biggest pet peeve is when people get into the elevator car without letting me off first.
8. It takes a long time to get close to me but once you are, I am fiercely loyal.
9. I need a new roof on my garage.
10. Bo Fung, the best Chinese take-out in the world, delivers to my house.

There you have it, the first ten things about me. I tried to pick a nice mix of things boring and less boring. Now that you know me a little better, wanna make out?

Miss Zoot brought it to my attention this morning that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Not being one to ignore my inner child, or yours, here are some fun pirate activities:

• You can find your pirate name here. I insist on being called by mine, Cap'n Yvette Roughknuckles, all day today or you'll walk the plank.


• You can find out what kind of pirate you are here. I'm a bilge rat - "a carbuncle on the alabaster skin of homo erectus." Yup, that's me!

Comment and tell me your results or I'll put your heart in Davy Jones' Locker, you mangy chumbuckets.

And finally, my favorite pirate joke . . .

Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated, "Arrrgh!"

Cousin T took me to the basbeball game Saturday afternoon. She won the tickets for placing last in the 10K she ran this spring. She makes us proud.

Anyway, I don't know what kind of magic fairy dust got sprinkled over this fair city of ours, but there were cute boys on every corner Saturday! You couldn't turn around without running right into another one. It was fantastic. See?

(Back off. He's mine. I licked him to make sure.)

And The Guys Who Painted on Their Shirts

When I first saw these two I took their picture through the crowd - I was trying to avoid being obvious. Until it dawned on me that if they were willing to go out in public like this, they weren't that proud. So I did this, for you:

Two years ago today we were all busy getting Tammy and Rob hitched. Theirs was seriously one of the most fun weddings, ever.


Congratulations, you two!

• I can't believe Dick and Zach stood on that pedestal under cold running water for 7.5 hours. Amazing. Dick had such a huge advantage having Dani there to encourage him. Although I guess Zach's advantage was not jonesing for a smoke the whole time.
• Zach's decision to take a calculated hit and nominate Dick and Daniele was good - curry favor with Jameka in the hopes that she would influence the Jury. And it would have worked if he'd gotten HOH.
• That said, Zach is a huge dork. When he asked Dick to "remember my inventions" in his pre-vote speech, I understood why no one liked him. It was weird. Plus, he admitted to Julie that he waited too long to form relationships.
• I love that Dick and Daniele opted not to throw Round 3, but to actually compete against one another. BTW, did you notice that when Dick hit the buzzer in Round 3, he broke it? It shattered.
• And, finally, America's final vote - who does Eric rally and vote for? Do we really care? You know those two have a deal and the money is getting shared.

Tomorrow night is my friend Melissa's wedding shower. She and her fiance are just good people. They are good people who are even better as a couple. They are also a very special couple to me because I was the first person to suggest that they date. I know there are others who claim this honor, but I know I was the first. I was so much "the first" that they didn't listen to me for a really long time. Maybe they started dating to shut me up and then actually grew on each other - like moss. It's possible.

Anyway, I stopped by Target last night on my way home to pick up some sort of wrapping device for their totally awesome gift. Yes, I was lazy and got a gift bag - but it's pretty - and I picked out matching tissue paper!

While I was standing in the candle aisle debating whether or not I had been good enough this week for presents . . . and perusing my options because I had . . . I felt this cart sidle up really close on my left. Instinctively I turned to give the moron driving the cart my evil chicken eye. If you haven't seen my chicken eye, it starts with my left eyebrow shooting up while the expression on my face turns instantly incredulous. Vocal accompaniment is typically, "Really?" but isn't always present.

So, with the chicken eye in position, I started my perusal of the situation with the cart and then slowly rolled my eyes up until I was looking her right in the face. I immediately felt silly and cracked up. It was Melissa and she was laughing so hard at having gotten the expected reaction out of me. I'm so predictable.

We visited for a while, looked at a few things together, checked out, and on the way to our cars we decide she should stop by the house for a quick visit. We ended up sitting on the front porch catching up and giggling until nine o'clock.

Again, not at all what I had planned for the evening but so much better.

Sorry this is late - as you can see from below I went out Tuesday night instead of watching the show. But I'm caught up and have this to say:

• Why was Dick acting so surprised that Dani took him off the block? Of course she did - there was no risk for her in doing it. Now, same situation earlier in the game where there's a chance she gets voted out? No way she does it. I think he made such a fuss because he so badly wants her approval and attention.
• It seemed like Jessica was mad at Eric. I really couldn't get a good read on what was going on there. But I was excited to peek in on the Jury House.
• If Zach has any shot he HAS to win HOH. I know that we could easily find out by reading the message boards, but I don't want to know. Although, either way, I predict Dani wins this game. Even if she doesn't win HOH, she'll likely win the veto. Most Jury members vote based on overall game play and she was masterful.

Yesterday was just a normal Tuesday. Got up, made coffee, blogged, went to work. Normal day, gorgeous weather. Driving home, top down because it was a 70 degree day here, I'm planning my ever-so-exciting evening . . . spaghetti for dinner and Big Brother on the TV . . . when my phone rings. A quick check of the caller ID tells me it's The Farrells, which can only mean fun. Or at least a few drinks. The suggestion is Stella Blues, and I'm in, no questions. John and Deanna actually introduced me to this place and I've been there several times - friendly staff, good food, neat atmosphere - and now they have a patio!

For the past couple week there have been a bazillion birds in the trees out front of my house. Check out how loud they are:

It's kinda' freaking me out. I keep picturing how you'll find me after I've been missing for a few days . . . spread eagle on the front lawn, eyes gouged out, and no lip gloss.

Our office is hosting an employee appreciation picnic in the next few weeks. The festivities include a trivia game based on information about all of us. We have until Wednesday to complete the questionnaire. I'm hung up on one question, "Who would you like to meet? (dead or alive)"

The first answer that popped into my head was, "The Holy Mother; because I've got questions." But I can't do that. It would upset people.

My second instinct was, "Dead or Alive." Most people wouldn't get it. While I'm actually ok with that, I think I can do better.

One gal in the office said, "Mr. Right." Clever. But it would make me seem desperate.

A friend suggested Abraham Lincoln. That's actually a good one.

Who would you most like to meet?

I love that I have the kind of friends that I can call at 5 pm on Thursday and cancel the party I had planned for Saturday night. And they don't care. And it doesn't phase me when they tell me they're glad because they didn't want to come. Shouldn't that right there be the definition of comfort?

After talking with everyone it became apparent that we had all had a tough week. For me, some serious shit went down in our office that left us even more shorthanded. Top that with covering for my supervising attorney who's out of the office and you've got a cocktail for the knot that's sitting on my left shoulder at the base of my neck.

TGIF, bitches.

I was with a friend this weekend when her husband walked up to us and dejectedly announced, "Honey, I was just in the bathroom and nobody wants me. I tapped my foot and everything ."

I'm no Francis Ford Coppola but I heard he likes to stay at the Hotel Boheme and so do I. Along the same vein, here's my very first short film, Douche Duck. It was shot poolside at Lazy Lee's Resort on Table Rock Lake.

As of mid-day Sunday my back porch looked like this:

By dusk it looked like this:

And now it looks like this:

This last picture does not depict the final product, but rather the prime coat - and only on half the porch at that. But it already looks so much better. The vertical pieces will stay white but everything horizontal will be the same sage green as this pot*:

I hope the sage softens the starkness of the white.

I really thought I could finish this project in one weekend, but each step took so much longer than I anticipated. If I do an hour's worth of painting every night after work this week I just might finish before next weekend.

Yeah, I laughed, too.

*BONUS FRUGAL TIDBIT:

This pot is actually two very inexpensive clay pots caulked together bottom-to-bottom, with the drain holes lined up. The bottom is an upside-down 10" pot and the top is an upside-right 16" pot. I painted these, but they were also very cool as plain clay. I think the whole thing cost $20.

Look! Look over there to the left!

It's a POLL! Something for you to do here besides admire me.

After weeks of unbearably hot and oppressing weather it was finally nice enough yesterday to turn off the air conditioning and open the windows. I just came downstairs to make coffee and it's so wonderously cool in the house that I had to grab a fleece. Life is good.