1970s Party Dress
There's more to come but I didn't take the pictures so I'm waiting for them to arrive in my inbox or show up on Facebook. Stay tuned. It was phenomenal.
5/31/2009
Rock Star Birthday Princess Week, Post 1: What I Wore
Posted by
Gwen
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Labels:
Fashion,
Rock Star Birthday Princess Week
Tonight is my super stupendous awesome kick-ass Rock Star Birthday Princess Week party. I know nothing about this party other than when and where to be. Three of my best gals have been planning and organizing and meeting without me and just generally being super awesome the past few weeks so I really can't wait for 6:30 to get here to see what they've been up to.
MY BFF from high school and her husband came down to see me yesterday. One of her gifts was this photo of the two of us, circa 1989. Behold the power of Aquanet:
We spent the day vintage shopping and sight-seeing and taking her husband places he'd never been, like the farmer's market and The Loop and a headshop. I picked up three vintage dresses but the one I'm wearing tonight is a classic floor-length 70's party dress. I still need to find shoes (don't fail me now, Payless) and clean this house (Scope's coming!) and generally prepare myself for the evening's festivities.
I have to go get busy if I'm going to get it all done but I promise to post pictures when the hangover subsides.
May the rest of your weekends be as super awesome as mine, monkeys!
On my way to work yesterday morning I received a speeding ticket for going 40 in a 25. I have never denied that I have a terribly heavy lead foot but, in my defense, there is a 200 yard stretch of the road I take to work that suddenly drops to 25. And I was daydreaming. Probably about you, but I digress.
The cop wasn't a total dick about it but he wasn't responding to my Midwestern Friendliness either. The more I think about it, I'd have been less mad about the whole thing if he'd just once acknowledged that he was writing me a $100 ticket exactly one week before my birthday. My 40th birthday. Humorless douchebag.
I announced my misfortune on Facebook as soon as I got to the office and it was later suggested that I'd received the ticket because I failed to show enough cleavage.
Haha! Good one!
See, the first thought I had when the cherries lit up behind me was, "Thank God I haven't done laundry in like three weeks and this top was the only thing clean." Sadly, it didn't help.
On my way home last night I re-enacted the moment by sticking my left arm out the window and taking this from Officer Humorless E. Douchebag's point of view:
(His middle name just has to be Eunich.)
And yes, I took this picture of myself while driving. I also waited to take it until I was traversing that particular stretch of Roaditaketowork Road.
That'll show him.
I'm pretty sure I have a reputation for writing the blog where memes and awards go to die. It's sad, but it's true. And I'm okay with it. Outside gardening, this corner of the Internets is my creative outlet. It's where I get to play with words and share stories and make you laugh. I get to blow things out of proportion and say the things I really want to say. So I would much rather make up my own crazy writing exercises, like asking you to show me your favorite old shirts or telling me what you like about yourself, than listing YET ANOTHER seven things about me. Because really? I ran out of seven things to say about myself a long, long time ago.
(That said, I will occasionally indulge and do a meme but have strict terms: it must be simple; it can't have been around the block 23,000 times; and I need to be able to make it my own.)
When it comes to awards I'm slightly less fussy. I enjoy them when I can tell the award-giver really wanted to tell the award-receiver that they like their blog; I do not like them when it seems that they were conferred simply to follow the rules that came with the award. People, we don't need no stinking rules.
But these three awards meant something to me when I got them. It may have taken me months to post them but I was truly honored to have received them.
First up, the Premio Dardos Award, bestowed on EILCC on February 4, 2009 by ~E Deconstructed,"acknowledges the values that every Blogger displays in their effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values with each message they write. Awards like this have been created with the intention of promoting community among Bloggers. It's a way to show appreciation and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."I'm not so sure that EILCC is ethical or literary or adds value to the Web (remember Obscenity Week?) but it does bring people together and that's the reason I keep doing this. Thanks, ~E!
The "Love Ya!" Award, conferred on EILCC by The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch on March 21, 2009, is given to bloggers who "are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated."
I seriously love this award but that may be because I seriously love The Lady.
But this next one? Oh, heavens to Betsy. This one is special. It was custom-made for EILCC by my favorite new funny guy and friend, I'm Not Benny, and I couldn't be prouder.
"Gwen from Everything I Like Causes Cancer is full of awesomeness and funny, and you should go read her blog right now. I'm pretty sure, though, that most of the people that come here only found this blog because they were directed to do so by Gwen, from Everything I Like Causes Cancer, so this might actually accomplish nothing at all, because you already know that she is awesome and funny. Even so, you should go comment that you found her site because of me, and deny any previous knowledge of her existence while somehow squeezing into your comment that Imnotbenny is pretty sweet and not a lying asshole at all."
So the next time you don't wipe good enough and your butt starts to itch in that two-hour staff meeting and you can't sneak off to the loo to take care of it? Just think about EILCC and you'll be cured. Swearsies.
LOST: small, black and white speckled motivation, missing since 4 pm yesterday; timid but responds to food that makes noise like bags of chips and boxes of cookies; no microchip, collar or tags but comes to the name "Maynard." Maynard is an indoor/outdoor inspiration and weighs about 20 pounds. One testicle. REWARD.
Curious about the genesis of our Memorial Day holiday I consulted my #1 research tool, wikipedia, and was particularly moved to learn this:
Following the end of the Civil War, many communities set aside a day to mark the end of the war or as a memorial to those who had died. Some of the places creating an early memorial day include Sharpsburg, Maryland, located near Antietam Battlefield; Charleston, South Carolina; Boalsburg, Pennsylvania; Petersburg, Virginia; Carbondale, Illinois; Columbus, Mississippi; many communities in Vermont; and some two dozen other cities and towns. These observances coalesced around Decoration Day, honoring the Union dead, and the several Confederate Memorial Days.
According to Professor David Blight of the Yale University History Department, the first memorial day was observed in 1865 by liberated slaves at the historic Washington Race Course (today the location of Hampton Park) in Charleston. The site was a former Confederate prison camp as well as a mass grave for Union soldiers who died in captivity.
The freed slaves disinterred the dead Union soldiers from the mass grave to be inhumed properly reposed with individual graves, built a fence around the graveyard with an entry arch, declaring it a Union graveyard. A daring action for freed slaves to take such in the South just shortly after the Union's victory. On May 30, 1868, the freed slaves returned to the graveyard with flowers they had picked from the countryside and decorated the individual gravesites, thereby creating the first Decoration Day. Thousands of freed blacks and Union soldiers paraded from the area, followed by much patriotic singing and a picnic.
After reading this I decided that I will be visiting Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery over the weekend and challenge y'all to do something similar in your own cities. Considering what these soldiers sacrificed, I think I can take an hour out of my three-day weekend to visit their final resting place and quietly reflect on freedom and sacrifice. And I'm taking flowers cut from my garden.
On a lighter note, I will also be quietly reflecting on how awesome grilling in the backyard is with my friend Lori’s Rockin’ Flank Steak:
1.5 c. olive oil
¾ c. soy sauce
¼ c. Worcestershire
2 T. dry mustard
2 t. salt
2 t. black pepper
½ c. wine vinegar
2 t. parsley
2 cloves garlic, crushed
½ c. lemon juice
2 1.5 pound unscored flank steaks or London broil
Mix above and marinade steaks overnight. Grill on direct medium heat about 5 minutes on each side. Let rest about 5 minutes and then slice thin.
I like to serve this on garlic toast but it’s also nice in a salad with bleu cheese (“black and bleu”) or Caesar dressing.
1.5 c. olive oil
¾ c. soy sauce
¼ c. Worcestershire
2 T. dry mustard
2 t. salt
2 t. black pepper
½ c. wine vinegar
2 t. parsley
2 cloves garlic, crushed
½ c. lemon juice
2 1.5 pound unscored flank steaks or London broil
Mix above and marinade steaks overnight. Grill on direct medium heat about 5 minutes on each side. Let rest about 5 minutes and then slice thin.
I like to serve this on garlic toast but it’s also nice in a salad with bleu cheese (“black and bleu”) or Caesar dressing.
Have a great weekend, monkeys!
A list of things that I love to smell:
- the kosher dog stand at Busch Stadium (a heady blend of grilled meat, onions and kraut)
- new plastic baby dolls
- fresh cut grass
- a hard-workin' man
- gasoline
- permanent markers
- peonies
- roasting garlic
- Chanel #5 (I stopped wearing it after a suitor told me I smelled like his grandma. I also stopped "wearing" him. Bastard.)
- clean babies
- my cats
- lilacs
- new cars
- the dittos we got in high school (pre-Xerox)
- rubber cement (also fun for making fake boogers)
- multi-layer forms with that carbon stuff on the back of the pages
- hyacinths
- bread baking in an oven
- the beach
5/19/2009
Penguinstock: An Aquarian Exposition
Posted by
Gwen
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Labels:
Can Has Cheezburger,
Lazy is as lazy does
Social harmony, quality music and long lines at the squid stands.
This one's for you.
5/12/2009
I'm sorry I stole your bike.
Posted by
Gwen
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Labels:
Being a pimp doesn't make me a bad person,
Pen Pal Project
Funnier than a banana peel . . .
More original than the Garden of Eden . . .
Able to waste your exes with a single card . . .
She makes cards!
She's insane!
She's SUPER ALISA!!!
People, I am honored to finally introduce the irreverent and honest woman who made my last Pen Pal Project cards: Super Alisa.
I met Super Alisa one wintry Sunday afternoon sitting in this very spot for almost 8 hours, looking at shit on etsy. More than half that time was spent in her store, snarkycards, because I read every one of the over 100 cards she has for sale, some several times because I kept going back to read them again. I knew instantly I'd found someone like us and that I needed to share her with you as soon as possible. I emailed her about buying in bulk; she emailed back; we talked on the phone; I developed a crush on her creativity and before I could stop laughing at this . . .
. . . my order had arrived - a large manila envelope decorated with suggestive pictures cut from magazines (suggestoupage?) and stuffed with these beautifully handpainted, cheeky cards. I am generally quite lazy but was so excited to share these cards that I think I had them addressed and back in the mail in under two weeks. (Shut it. That's fast for me.)
This is Snarky Alisa, in her own words:
I've always told people the brutally honest truth. For most of my life it's gotten me in trouble. But I don't really know how else to be. Saying what's really going on is the only way I know how to deal with things.
I try to soften it. Sometimes I sing it or put it next to a pretty picture, or give it a cute nickname. "Who's my little passive aggressive cutie-pie?" I coo to deserving friends over the phone.
Over the years I've noticed that other people don't have the gift I do for saying exactly what is happening. And sometimes it means that they have to have sex with people they dislike for a long time, or hang onto crappy jobs, or confidence-annihilating stress.
So I decided to enable you, the coolest people of the world. So that your interactions are as clear and true and hilarious and uncomfortable as mine often are. And you won't be trapped in a situation you don't like because you can't say how you feel.
And just so you know enabling you has enabled me. Now that all I do is sell brutally honest greeting cards, people expect me to tell the truth. I don't get in trouble anymore. People who spend time with me know what they're getting themselves into. And they dig it.
I hope my cards help you dump someone not cool enough for you, or confess to pet murder or establish your boyfriends true sexual preference.
And if they don't help you do any of those lofty things, I hope they crack you the f*** up.To find Snarky Cards physical locations in Portland, or just stalk me better, hit up www.superalisa.com.
My personal favorite. Duh.
So go! Go buy some cards from Super Alisa! I know for a fact I heard ~E Deconstructed say something somewhere about not being able to find R-rated cards when she was doing her own Pen Pal Project. Well, here ya go: irreverence for every occasion.
While chatting with a friend on the phone late yesterday morning - or was it early afternoon? - anyway, while I was chatting I was pulling weeds. Some people like to smoke on the phone, some people pace, but I pull weeds.
I had a nice big handful so decided to walk them down to the yard waste dumpster, conveniently located at the end of my lot. I walked out there, picked up the door to throw the stuff in and then noticed this:
They were everywhere! And I almost touched one! I'm a girl so squealed like one and then ran to get the camera.
(clicky=biggy, if you dare)
I grew up in the country and have never in my life seen baby praying mantises (manti?) . . . they are even freakier than adult ones. Ugh. I have it in my head, though, that they're good bugs to have, like they eat mosquitoes or something, so I won't complain. I won't be using the dumpster until I'm sure they've graduated college and moved into their own homes, but I won't complain.
5/10/2009
Sunday Matinee: For All The Mothers Up In This Beeyotch
Posted by
Gwen
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Labels:
Sunday Matinee
Ok, mom, what's up? It's your really special day.
I got you candles and chocolate, you like it? Ok!
Today's about you, it's not about me.
Here, I'll show you, just listen carefully.
There's a tiny little story, you're hearing it from me.
You really can't get mad, just listen, you'll see!
I was rolling to the zoo, I was going kind of fast.
The police man pulled me over I just had to laugh.
I just wanted to see a gorilla at the zoo.
Maybe a peacock, an elephant too.
He didn't want to hear it, he said his name was Tom.
Come on, dude! This is for my mom!
Turtles and rabbits and monkeys oh, my!
Turtles and rabbits and monkeys oh, my!
Turtles and rabbits and monkeys oh, my!
Turtles and rabbits and monkeys oh, my!
Rolling in my mini, going to the zoo.
I'm gonna meet my mom for something to do.
I'm a pretty good driver, I heard it from my dad.
But if mommy finds out, it's gonna get bad.
Aw, mom... you know I love you.
Girl, you know it's true.
You're the best mom ever.
No one compares to you.
Those other moms got nothing.
Yeah.... Yeah!
Thanks for everything you do, moms!
Apparently I'm not the only one in this house who squirms to put my ass into things that don't really fit.
For ease of navigation here's a running list (with commentary) of your EILCC 600-Post Show and Tell Extravaganza posts:
Tags Times Two from Skyler's Dad, the sweetest man in Blogaritaville and author of Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps. Finding friends like this man is the greatest perk of blogging. Thanks, SD, for celebrating with me!
In a Sentimental Mood by The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch. I adore this woman. A-DORE. She is classy and funny and I want to sit with her by a pool, wearing big straw hats and reading trashy magazines while handsome men silently bring us mai-tais and fan us.
Scope-Tech: Gwen's Show and Tell Part I
I love it when you give this man a task; he always gives more than you requested.
Love Letters by Cora: Because Gwen Asked Me To
I thought about keeping Scope and Cora separated in this list but realized one of them would likely hack in here and rearrange things if I did, so I let them be. No monkey business over here, you two. EILCC has a low PDA threshold.)
mjenks, A Crown of Thistles: Stuff
Apologies to jenks, the man with whom I can be as un-PC as I want and he still thinks it's funny . . . I noticed early yesterday that some verbiage in this post was confusing and led jenks to believe that I was asking for pictures of your own pajama tops, so I re-worked one phrase but failed to mention the distinction to him. I'm sure he won't mind, he is the kind of guy who likes to do his own thing anyway. Also, when you read his post, pretend that all that really nice stuff he says about his new friend Kristine is about me; I did.
~E Deconstructed: More Postcards and Gwen's 600th Post
I expected to find a couple shirts that belonged to ex-boyfriends when I went digging through your closets and dressers and ~E has given us our very first one. This saucy little Seattle minx loves her special shirt so much she bought others just like it and marked "the special one" with a laundry pen!
Candy's Daily Dandy: Gwennie, Your Challenge Has Opened A Pandora's Box of Emotions
Candy's post proves that a woman will do anything for a pair of shoes she loves.
Are You Sassified?: Things I Want Thursday - T.I.W.T.
It would seem Sass couldn't resist the siren song of a Wordless/Blowing Up Shit/Six Word/Totally Awkward/Whatever Thursday but she managed to work in a story about a sweatshirt that has earned BFF status. God love her.
My best girl Whiskeymarie: "Pride" and "Dignity" Are Such Ugly Words
Holy buckets! I had no idea when I wrote the phrase "that pair of jeans you finally had to make into cut-off shorts and now you can't get rid of the shorts even though your ass hangs out the bottom like a $2 hooker" that I was speaking directly to her. You should not miss the ensemble she put together from the back of her closet. Priceless.
Scope-Tech: Gwen's Show & Tell - Part II - The Scope Coat
Scope not only let me peek in his drawers but also showed me his flare. I hope Cora doesn't try to cut me.
Suze of Suzel's Sass: Because She Said So
Huh. I never knew Suze was in the Air Force. Maybe I should stop giving her so much shit and using her credit card before she kicks my ass into next Tuesday.
Fancy Schmancy: What Gwennie Wants, Gwennie Gets!
Ahhhhhhh. Comfy duds and a special stuffed friend, perfect for the end of the day. That Fance, she always knows what we need.
Cowguy: ShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirt
I've waited all day for our first "my family tried to get rid of it" story. I should've known it would be Cowguy. I can't wait to meet him and his peeps because they have a lot of fun. I've been stalking the Keota website more frequently now that the weather is better. One of these days our schedules will align and then I will magically appear in the crowd at one of their shows, like a tiny angel with a seriously foul mouth. Remind me to wear white when I go.
L'ananas, Solitary In Sanity: And Like a Facebook 5 Things
Yaaaay! Our first new person! I love it. L'ananas told me she didn't even have to think twice about her item and offered up a 14 year-old, almost-crotchless pair of shorts. Excellent. (L'ananas, I love your tag-line, "It's not you, it's me.")
Girl Interrupted, For Gwen: Better Late Than Never
I was only recently introduced to Girl Interrupted but as soon as I read her story about biting jellies (Jell-O) in the grocery I knew I had found another kindred soul. I live in awe of the scope of her passive subversion and wish we had "jellies" here.
Cash Register Jockey, Soakin' Up Paycheck: The Shirt (or Jumping on the Blogging Bandwagon)
Another EILCC newbie! Welcome, CRJ, and thanks for playing along with my silly reindeer games. In this post, CRJ shows us the Iron Maiden t-shirt he bought as a teen while on vacation with his family because he thought wearing it would make him cool. Anyone who says they never did something like this is simply a big, fat liar-mouth. Can you say "parachute pants?"
J.J. in L.A., Fun things to do for Gwen
Yes! Sick humor! Until J.J. came along our collective wardrobe was devoid of sick humor. Sad, really. And surprising. It's a good thing she was batting clean-up; we needed her.
Many, many thanks to everyone who is celebrating this EILCC milestone with me. You wonderful people are the reason I keep doing this; your friendships are my reward. I love each and every one of you.
Some of you mentioned not being able to participate due to busy schedules and broken (or nonexistent) cameras. Please don't let this stop you. I never meant to make rules that would exclude anyone. If you like this idea feel free to post anytime, with or without pictures. All I really wanted was to peek into your drawers and closets to learn more about you. Just be sure to let me know in the comments here (or here) that you've posted because I don't want to miss any of your stories. I'm going to keep adding to the list above as new posts roll in today so be sure to check back often!
5/06/2009
I just couldn't wait until 666.
Posted by
Gwen
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Labels:
Fun Things To Do At Home,
Gwenvolution
I was folding laundry on Sunday when I came across this pajama top that my mom gave me as part of a Victoria's Secret sleep set so long ago that I can't even remember what the bottoms looked like. This top has aged to a sickly grayish-yellow color, the ends of the sleeves are frayed, and the material is so thin now that you can almost see through it.
But I love it. I love it because my mom gave it to me. I love it because it has rubbed against and been removed by every man I have ever seriously loved. I love it because it's comfortable. It never stays in my dresser very long because it's always my first choice. Apologies to all my other pajama tops, but this one is my favorite.
I suspect everyone has at least one piece of clothing like my pajama top: that pair of shoes you can't seem to throw in the trash despite them being broken down and soleless; that ratty-ass three-quarter-sleeve tee-shirt from the 1986 AC/DC Fly on The Wall tour that is covered in paint stains the same color as your second bathroom; that pair of jeans you finally had to make into cut-off shorts and now you can't get rid of the shorts even though your ass hangs out the bottom like a $2 hooker.
So I want you to do me a favor. Tonight when you get home from work, or today while the kiddos are napping, go find your clothing/footwear/accessory equivalent of my pajama top and take a picture of the revered item. Post the picture on your own blog tomorrow and tell us the story behind it. You don't have to link back to this post because I don't get fussy about stuff like that but please do come back and leave a comment so we can find and enjoy your stories.
I know you want to participate - I can see it in your eyes - but maybe you simply can't bear the idea of missing even one installment of Wordless/Blowing Up Shit/Six Word/Totally Awkward/Whatever Thursday, so do it because I asked in my 600th post. Yes, this is my 600th post. It's the least you could do considering I've slaved over this keyboard trying to make you laugh or think or cry or get angry, or all of the above at once, 600 times since July 7, 2007. It isn't much to ask. It isn't much to ask at all, monkeys.
UPDATES!!!
9:06 PM: EILCC announces its very first 600-Post Show and Tell Extravaganza* entry from . . . drum roll, please . . . no, really, do it on your desk with your index fingers . . . c'mon! . . . bllllllllllllllllll . . .
Tags Times Two from Skyler's Dad, the sweetest man in Blogaritaville and author of Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps. Finding friends like this man is the greatest perk of blogging. Thanks, SD, for celebrating with me!
I can't wait to see what the rest of you have in your drawers. Keep 'em coming!
*Thanks to C.B. Jones for inadvertently naming our event in his comment. I laughed, hard. Could someone please put 10 Gwen Points on the board for C.B.? Thanks. (Gwen Points are not real nor are they redeemable for anything. I just got caught up in my own narcissism and went a little crazy. But the points still have a good connotation. I didn't mean to strip them of all value in that first sentence, just any imagined tangible value because I don't have Gwen Prizes to go with them. Shit. There I go again, naming things after myself that don't even exist. I apologize; I'm out of control.)
9:17 PM: I just spotted another one! In a Sentimental Mood by The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch. I adore this woman. A-DORE. She is classy and funny and I want to sit with her by a pool, wearing big straw hats and reading trashy magazines while handsome men silently bring us mai-tais and fan us.
7:18 AM: Here's what we collected overnight! There are some great stories in here . . .
Scope-Tech: Gwen's Show and Tell Part I
I love it when you give this man a task; he always gives more than you requested.
Love Letters by Cora: Because Gwen Asked Me To
I thought about keeping these two separate on this list but realized Cora would likely hack her way in here and rearrange things if I did so I left them be. No monkey business over here, you two. EILCC has a low PDA threshold.)
mjenks, A Crown of Thistles: Stuff
Apologies to jenks, the man with whom I can be as un-PC as I want and he still thinks it's funny . . . I noticed early yesterday that some verbiage in this post was confusing and led jenks to believe that I was asking for pictures of your own pajama tops, so I re-worked one phrase but failed to mention the distinction to him. I'm sure he won't mind, he is the kind of guy who likes to do his own thing anyway. Also, when you read his post, pretend that all that really nice stuff he says about his new friend Kristine is about me; I did.
~E Deconstructed: More Postcards and Gwen's 600th Post
I expected to find a couple shirts that belonged to ex-boyfriends when I went digging through your closets and dressers and ~E has given us our very first one. This saucy little Seattle minx loves her special shirt so much she bought others just like it and marked "the special one" with a laundry pen!
9:32 AM: I am pleased as punch that everyone is doing this!
Candy's Daily Dandy: Gwennie, Your Challenge Has Opened A Pandora's Box of Emotions
Candy's post proves that a woman will do anything for a pair of shoes she loves.
Are You Sassified?: Things I Want Thursday - T.I.W.T.
It would seem Sass couldn't resist the siren song of a Wordless/Blowing Up Shit/Six Word/Totally Awkward/Whatever Thursday but she managed to work in a story about a sweatshirt that has earned BFF status. God love her.
My camera decided to act like a douchebag at the Derby party on Saturday (it's working fine now, thank you) and my friend Leslie's camera batteries were dead so she let me use her camera with my battery (both Sony.)
Anyway, I forgot to give her camera back at the end of the night and accidentally downloaded her vacation pictures when I downloaded the Derby pictures. Since they vacationed in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico I decided to use her vacation pictures for today's Cinco de Mayo post. Let's just see what those crazy kids did while they were down there in swine flu country . . . .
Oooooh! Big Tony!
Oooooh! Pretty!
Oooooh! Sammy!
Oooooh! St. Louis!
I am returning her camera when I see her tonight for a Cinco de Mayo cocktail and left a surprise or two on it.
Oooooh! My cat's junk!
Oooooh! My junk!
(it's really my elbow but she won't know that)
The moral of this story is that you should never leave me alone with your camera. Happy Cinco de Mayo, monadas!
My most dearest and only Whiskeymarie von Partypants:I've been patiently counting down the days, one by one by endless one, waiting for the holiday that quickly surpassed International Talk Like A Pirate Day as my favorite holiday: International Whiskeymarie Day, the day the world welcomed the woman with whom I would one day get to second base. There's been some discussion over at von Partypants HQ about how best to celebrate IWD, my favorite being the Brazilian way - singing Air Supply in a circle and taking a week-long vow not to wear pants, but I've opted to take the path most lazily traveled: Lolcats.
see more Lolcats and funny picturesMONKEY-BUTT SISTER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER!A mixed bag of wonderfully odd things will soon some day arrive in your mailbox but until I have the gumption to get to the post office here's my gift to you: You will always be younger and taller than me.You really are the best and I love ya. I really, really do. I hope you have an awesome day today and ask that at the end of it you do me one small favor . . . crank this up, take off your pants, and shake it 'til all the boys come to the yard.Yours in McGone, GwennieP.S. LYLASP.S.S. XOXOX
This one's for Beckeye, whose Forgotten Classic Video of the Week series regularly sparks memories of my younger days, proving that we did, in fact, live the same childhood. She recently commented on the new tagline in my header and said, "I am dying laughing at your Spiders and Snakes tagline. JIM STAFFORD! I remember having that 45 when I was little and I loved that stupid song."
Well here ya go, babe:
The B-side of your 45, Beckeye, was My Girl Bill. The only thing better than the collar on his shirt are the lyrics.
In preparation for Mother's Day, here's Jim singing a feel-good funny little song called That's What Little Kids Do on a Smother's Brother's Mother's Day show. Say that five times fast.
Thanks, girl, for prompting me to (re)discover Jim Stafford. I had no idea he was so entertaining. If it weren't for swine flu I'd totally make out with you.
The B-side of your 45, Beckeye, was My Girl Bill. The only thing better than the collar on his shirt are the lyrics.
In preparation for Mother's Day, here's Jim singing a feel-good funny little song called That's What Little Kids Do on a Smother's Brother's Mother's Day show. Say that five times fast.
Thanks, girl, for prompting me to (re)discover Jim Stafford. I had no idea he was so entertaining. If it weren't for swine flu I'd totally make out with you.
Inspired by my last post I think y'all went out of your way to send me material last night. These are the texts that started arriving on my phone about 1 am and continued arriving until about 4:
- So u r on a dating website and u get a message from a pirate. Then u hear about gal pirate on another site. Do u hook them up with the goal that btween them they could have 20/20 Vision if it was opposite eyes and they stood next to each other?
- I needs assistance in how to best service the tranny quadriplegic will the bea arthur routine be appropriate or is it too soon
- Guys wearing camo r why i dance w my eyes closed
- Im proud to be your weird text! :-)
I slept through all of these coming in so didn't reply last night. Assuming you're still interested in my advice on these important matters when you finally wake up today . . . yes, I would hook up the pirates (hook? nice!) . . . and while I don't quite know what you mean by "service the tranny", I would have performed Bea Arthur for him. It's never too soon at EILCC and she'd have been honored, I'm sure. I hope you made good choices on your own and can't wait to hear from you - you know who you are - to get the back stories.
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Wanna make out?
- Gwen
- One part sarcastic, one part naughty, and all parts awesome. ~ St. Louis, MO ~ You can email me at guenosdias847 at gmail dot com.
I'M A FIRECROTCH!
November 2010 was itchy.
TWTWTB, an award
Thanks, MLS! Be careful you don't papercut your nose with that kick-ass sign.
Official Award of EILCC
Designed by Soda and Candy
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That ain't no lie.
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Cowguy Tippin'
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An Award From Mike
MONKEY SWORD FIGHT: There is no fucking way you can be cooler than this picture.
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Thanks, Princess Soda!
Can't Touch This
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